Dating

Some ladies who have searched, tried and over dated but are still single and are willing to date make some statements that stand in their own way or build negative mental archetypes. e.g.

• “I’m done with men!”
• “ I’m too old to attend weddings”
• “I earn more than him so what does he have to offer?”
• “Single ladies rock!!!”
• “Don’t need no man to complete me”

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There’s nothing wrong with these statements but if you’re single and you want to date why stand in your own way or create unrealistic standards which 60% of the men in the demographic can not reach?

Let’s try to take control of our lives , free ourselves from the mental chains that society , family, friends have created for us. No one is going to spend more than a day being sad for you.
How do you emancipate your mind?

1. Selflove ( remind yourself daily of your worth, your skills, your degrees,your beauty, your charming personality, achievements ,how much God loves you)
2. Always ask yourself is this ( current situation) worth fighting for? Do I deserve more?
3. Test-ReTest is method of measuring reliability. Reevaluate all relationships in your life that don’t produce consistent positive results.
4. Don’t seek validation or constant approval from people because they may put you down to make themselves look good. Validate & Approve yourself according to how you were yesterday.

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Who are you without me? I made you!

“My Husband beats & bruises me daily but I can’t leave him because no one has divorced in my family so I don’t want to be the first to divorce so I’ll just take the beating till he changes.”

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My girlfriend does Aristo/ Runs but at least she bring money to pay the bills -let’s see how far you will go without me.

I had 3 sidechicks when we were dating now I have only one as a married man and you’re complaining -my bf sleeps with anything in a skirt but at least he buys me birkin bags and Louboutins shoes.

I’ll marry Akin instead because he is the only son and his father will “WILL” all properties to him.

These assertions, questions and statements made above are daily lines used on some people who have the least respect, hope and love for themselves.
Self actualization is the highest point a person could reach in terms of success or achievement in maslows hierarchy of needs theory, self actualization is a place where a person is at peace and is happy with his achievements in life ( financial, spiritual, physical, social status etc)
For us to reach our self Actualized state we have to “ emancipate our minds” / break free of the mental chains that have been out there by media, friends, peer pressure, family, significant other).

A lot of ladies in relationships are suffering and smiling because their minds have not been emancipated, they don’t believe in themselves but they have to put up with the crap and antics of their men because they don’t want to appear single to the public. A story was brought to my attention by a close friend about a married woman who has lost 2 pregnancies due to constant physical attacks by her husband despite all the bruises and scars she won’t leave him because no one has divorced in her family so she doesn’t want to be the first and she doesn’t want society to frown or judge her for being divorced or a single mother.
She is a “mental” inmate, a prisoner to the pressures of society , her mind hasn’t been emancipated and she will not be happy or meet someone better until such thoughts are buried.

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(Know your worth, and remind yourself of your Worth daily. SELF GRATIFICATION is key in any relationship)

Self Love

What is Self Gratification? This is a psychological act of pleasing oneself, especially the gratifying of ones needs, impulses and desires. This being said, a lot of Ladies today have forgotten their true worth, potential, capacity and God given nature as Intelligent, Beautiful and fruitful Gems that they are.

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As a result of the lack appreciation for themselves they settle for less when choosing a boyfriend or partner. Those in relationships take all sorts of crap from their man because they believe he is doing them a favour and they can’t do any better ; their man even says things like what will u do without me? Or who are you without me?, I’ve cheated only 4 times and you’re complaining?Ladies the way you see yourself and carry yourself is how everyone else is going to treat you including your friends and your Boss at work. You must remind yourself daily like a morning Prayer that :

• I’m blessed
• I’m smart
• I’m hot
• I’m intelligent
• I’m rich
• I’m fruitful
• I’m bold
• I’m a winner

If you do this daily and you know it in your heart it will serve as a daily Reinforcement and mental learning conditioning for you and you’ll be immune to all the negativity and BS. Most importantly this will help you make important life decisions and bluff those who try to undermine you.

Let me also say that Self Gratification is Good but it can be Excellent when someone you love for example: your boyfriend, husband, brother or mother etc tells you that you’re smart, beautiful, stunning on a daily basis as well. Some husbands, wives, bfs don’t tell their partners that they are pretty anymore or their hair is nice, sex is good or their food is delicious. These little things really matter and they form an impression in our subconscious, they boost self confidence and in its absence makes the party involved feel they’re worth nothing. May you find a Partner who will appreciate you daily from head to toe.

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This topic pertains to people who feel indebted to commit or marry a partner because of the favors her family did for him or her not love. This is a sensitive and culturally relevant issue in Nigeria because parents often times get involved in relationships and want to reduce theirs child’s days of being single; so they give a helping hand or a push to their child’s boyfriends career so things can be easier for them or make them more financially ready to get married.

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I begin by asking, “ Is it right for you to receive enormous gifts, life changing contracts, and career favors from the parents of your boyfriend or girlfriend if you’re not going to commit to marrying them or you don’t love them? This is a predicament that some young men and women find themselves.

As a young bachelor or bachelorette we often find it hard to make ends meet as the economy and work market is very tough and saturated with people with multiple degrees and qualifications. Because of the lack of work for the many qualified people it may be easy to receive career favors from ur “baes” parents.

From these favors a relationship may come forth but what happens when the partner on the receiving end is no longer interested in the relationship or isn’t in love with their benefactor anymore. This is where the predicament lies. Should the man/woman stay in the relationship because they feel indebted to the other person or feel they should continue the relationship because of all the family has done for them? Or can the person really return all favors or money to the woman/man in exchange for their freedom.

In my Opinion I believe relationships shouldn’t be about what you can get or opportunities but if your girlfriend or boyfriends Parents want to help you Financially or Career wise you should take it only if you have good and future intentions with their child because if you use them to climb the success ladder and leave their child you’ll be tagged as an opportunist so it’s better you make your own success and choose your partner based on Love not Pity or Owed Commitment. Your thoughts?

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1. Men shouldn’t be looking at their phone more than the Lady
2.  Talking about your Bank account or how much his father has ; this puts ladies off (Bragging)
3. Smelling Bad (Mouth or Body Odour is a No. No!)
4. Don’t ask “ are you a virgin?”
5. Don’t ask her how many guys she’s been with ( Body Count)
6. If she’s going to pay the movie or dinner bills let her know in advance ( no unexpected ATM failures, I forgot my wallet at home)
7. When your phone rings on a date and you’re asked where you are? Don’t give a degrading response e.g. (I dey with that big ass babe, I dey with tolu big Breasts, I dey with that weekend chops I teh u about”)
8. Don’t insist on a “come to my house first date” or come to my friends house first date
9. Don’t leave your date to talk to another Lady for more that 2 minutes
10. Don’t buy her too many gifts she may think ure trying to buy her
11. If for any reason someone else needs to be in the car, don’t put her in the back seat
12. Don’t compare her to your Ex
13. Don’t talk about her weight or hair only in a positive way eg ( some guys may say : ure about to burst out of that dress, your hair should be due by now?)
14.  After the first sex always call as a courtesy (even if the sex was good or bad)
15. Table manners ( making sounds with ur mouth while eating, talking while theirs food in your mouth, using fork & knife for icecream)
16. Focus your eyes on her eyes not her breast or ass. ( don’t look at any other lady asides her on a date)
17. Projecting yourself as someone youre not (Ladies can spot fake confidence, or a fake in general) Don’t borrow ur friends car and say it’s yours, don’t lie your friend’s apartment is yours)
18. Don’t be too touchy & feely on a first date
19. Don’t be rude or nasty to the waiter or waitress to impress your date
20. Don’t ask her for money
21. Don’t ask for pictures unless she offers

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