Letters

Must your Next Be Better Than Your Ex?

Don’t be in competition with your Ex it’s Detrimental. A lot of ladies today are single because they are looking for a guy who is better than their Ex boyfriend.
Recent studies show that 4 out of 7 Ladies are guilty of being in Competition with their Ex. Most Ladies are of the Opinion that their Next must be better than their Ex. they say things like ; I cant downgrade, i have passed that level, i’m bigger than that.

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For example because their Ex drove a Porsche, they can’t date a guy who drives a Honda, or Because their Ex bought them Louboutins and Birkins, their next must be able to afford such luxuries or their Ex Lives in Banana Island therefore their next must be well in the same category.

Psychologically this is a very irrational and myopic way of thinking because what if this “Next Dream Boyfriend” does not come along in 3 years?, what happens?, will you wait and keep waiting? Such behaviors and thought processing may lead to desperation and selling yourself for cheap down the road. There’s no need to be in competition with your ex because such competition won’t get you far and most times your Ex isn’t even paying you any attention.

This also applies to guys but the ladies take this more seriously because they are emotional and very competitive in nature. In my Opinion, I think ladies in this situation should look for a guy with potential, who believes in his dreams, support him, pray for him, love him regardless of what your Ex is doing or what your Ex just bought. In time your new Boyfriend will pair up with your Ex or even surpass him… then you’d have won both ways.

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Because you’re 30 and single doesn’t mean you should throw in the Towel

Society has stereotyped and put a lot of Pressure on Ladies who are single and thirty years old & above.
As a result of this pressure from friends, family and close associates, when some ladies turn thirty and there are no visible suitors in sight, they develop some personality traits or defense mechanisms which may not be in their best interest.

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For example they stop going out totally, stop bothering about their makeup or fashion acumen, they say things like “I’m too old to attend this function” or “too old to go to the club”, looking down on every guy because they have achieved a lot at their age and some guys may not meet their standard or pay grade.

But what they don’t know is that by staying indoors and saying I’m too old for “this and that” how will u meet a decent guy?, if you’re interested in settling down, no guy will break into your house and court you. From my first hand experience; I have some lady friends who are thirtyyears old and above who still look smashing and stunning and also give 21 year old ladies a run for their money, they also have loads of potentials and suitors.

This is because these ladies have not allowed what I call “thirty year old syndrome” and pressure to get to them.” They are living gracefully while trusting in God at the Same time. Let’s encourage our sisters and friends dealing with this situation because society and its norms are not too friendly to them. In my Opinion thirty is the new twenty-five and age is just a number and state of mind.

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Stay Fit In A Competitive World

Most young Ladies in Lagos, Nigeria, or around the planet have neglected their bodies and are out of shape, overweight or obese as a result of “excessive eating and a lazy attitude” towards the Gym. Working out is a necessity not a luxury……

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Its always shocking when I see young pretty ladies at functions, parties, weddings looking like they are 3 months Pregnant when they are not. As a guy who is quite sociable I see this every time and I’ve also overheard guys who may be potentials suitors complain about this.

Recent studies show that there is a 7 to 2 gender imbalance ratio in favor of men in the Lagos metropolitan area. We all know some “Lagos Girls” are not smiling so if you don’t want to “Carry Last” and u don’t want other girls stealing or competing with you for your man, I suggest you enroll in a gym ASAP.

“Primacy Effect” in psychology means remembering first encounters more than late encounters. In light of this psychological principle you may have only one chance to impress or catch a new guy or suitor. If he walks past you and thinks you’re 3 months pregnant or you look like “Iya Basira” he won’t approach or follow up. No Pain! No Gain! Test your body.. Please Note that this is not about weight; you may be slim and be out of shape, and you may be plus size and also be out of shape.

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Say No to Cohabitation!

What is Cohabitation? This is an arrangement where 2 people who are not married live together in an emotional and sexually intimate relationship on a long term or permanent basis.

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This is a Global PHENOMENON. Some Ladies get so carried away in the moment that they forget to plan for the future.. If you’re living with a guy ; cooking, cleaning, ironing his clothes and supporting him emotionally over a long period of time he may not see the need to take you to the Church or Mosque to make it official because he always has everything he wants so why spend money on a wedding or get tied down officially.

Most Ladies in this situation find it very hard to get out of because they are so socked in emotions and love that they are unable to think objectively.. Friends or Family members who try to talk them out of COHABITATION become enemies of progress or haters.. An elderly person once told me that any relationship that isn’t ordained or verified by God won’t last.. Let’s help our sisters and friends who are in this situation.

I must also say that every guy has a choice, don’t be fooled by excuses , postponing and procrastinating of marriage.. Force his hand into making a decision because when a child comes into a cohabitative setting it will be harder to start a new life and meet a man who is ready to step up.. May we not get hooked in Cohabitation.. Amen!

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Heartbreak is a blessing

Part of the reasons for being created by God or your role on earth is to Love, Give Kindness, Support your kin, Embellish your environment.. Do Not let any guy hinder you from these precious things as a result of heartbreak.

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Most times when a woman is heartbroken she turns to defense mechanisms to help her through the situation. These defense mechanisms may sometimes be rebellious. For example drinking to get drunk, serial sex with random individuals, depression, and even excessive eating. These things will only have a malignant effect on you and stop you from your true purpose.

Whoever broke your heart has moved on and is happy. Don’t beat yourself up!!! Instead Re-brand and repackage yourself so he can bite his nails and say I really shouldn’t have. Real victory and real triumph comes after you overcome a bad situation. From a personal experience, I have done somethings to some ladies I am not proud of but I give respect to those of them who bounced back. Stayed Blessed.

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